One of the themes of this newsletter is learning what works for us. We are social creatures and it’s completely natural that we take on, often subconsciously, social values around us. But even though it’s natural, it’s not always what’s best for us.
Take ideas are love, for example. Valentines Day can really trigger a lot of people. All the ‘should's’ can kick in. People ‘shouldn’t’ make a big deal out of it, I ‘shouldn’t’ be single, my partner ‘should’ be more romantic, whatever it is.
I remember my first Valentine’s Day when I was with my first boyfriend. We were both 16. He forgot about the day and made up a very elaborate story about buying me roses and forgetting them somewhere. The next day, he ran out and bought some and then bashed them up a bit so they looked old! But really, I didn’t need roses and the next year, when he wrote a silly play about us, complete with pen drawings, I was way more touched than bought gifts could have made me.
So this week I want to invite you to consider what love means to you. In the book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman describes how different people express and feel and show love in different ways. Some people feel loved with the right words, for example, while for others, a well time gift will make them feel it. It’s a reminder of how gloriously varied and individual people are!
And it’s also a great reminder to focus on what is meaningful to us. It applies to any relationship (including, of course, our self relationship. If you want to show someone love, do it in a way that resonates for them. There’s no point buying a big bunch of roses and chocolates for someone who just wishes someone would give them a hug and spend some time with them.
- How do you show others you care about them?
- Do you show yourself love in these ways?
- Are there any times when you’ve tried to show love, and the other person doesn’t seem to feel it? What other ways might you try?
Have some fun with this and let me know how you go!
Lots of love