You've Got This - developing self trust

Nelson Mandela said, ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure’.

You've got this.

This week I wanted to write about self trust. People talk a lot about confidence, but I like self trust better because it goes deeper than confidence. This is about having a sense that even when we stuff up, ultimately we trust ourselves. Without this, it can feel like we’re at the whim of life, where sometimes things are working but sometimes not, and we feel very alone. In this state, the world is a scary and hostile place, and we cling to what we know, even if it’s not really what we want or need.

When we have this, we can’t ever be completely unsettled because we have a sense of strength, of inner support. We still get knocked around, but when things get rough it doesn’t rattle us right down to the core because we know we have that foundation.

I’ve been lucky enough and reckless enough to have built a life that fits my dreams right now – I get to travel, write, teach what I love and believe in, connect with people and feel that what I do makes a difference. But, like everyone, there’s been plenty of existential angst, heart break and life experience for me along the way. I’ve stayed in relationships and jobs long, long, long, after they stopped helping me because I was too scared of the unknown. My lack of self trust gave me a life that was only half mine, to the point where I could barely buy a t shirt without melting down in case I made a wrong decision. Growing up, I simply didn’t have any examples of self trust around, totally the opposite, so I can say with some authority that you can start with a negative bank balance of self trust and develop it from there. And the best part is, you’re probably already doing some of it.

I like things that are simple to remember so they are:

3 simple ways to strengthen and develop self trust

·      Relax – don’t struggle. It’s ok to go hard, but then cut yourself some slack and rest just as hard. Work out how much you need through trial and error and expect this will shift constantly.

·      Appreciate – if you’re reading this you’ve already got a pretty good life gig. First world, roof over your head, eye sight good enough to read… appreciate the things around you and appreciate your own efforts too.

·      Get mental space – this allows us literally to get a break from our relentless thought cycles and create space for new possibilities with our thoughts. Do yoga, walk in nature, meditate, read and then… repeat. You’ll get more mental benefit if you do these in silence.  

If you do these things, slowly but surely, your bank of self trust will start to build up. You’ll start to get to know yourself better and as you do that, feel safer trusting yourself and your decisions. 

Until next time, take care

Ruth

3 principles that will create radical positive change in your life

Life can change completely in one day, and it’s how we react to this that defines our character.

It’s one of the great privileges of my work that I get to hear people’s stories. Not in a dramatic, ‘this is the story of my life’ kind of way, but in a ‘this is just how it is for me right now’ kind of way. It’s always humbling to hear what’s going on for people below the surfaces as we carry on day to day.

We all have lots going on. It’s called life. But on hearing all the stories I have lately, I’m reminded of how very easy it is for us to get caught up in things that keep us distracted from living life to our full potential. They hold us back in all sorts of ways but they can really add up.

3 principles that will transform your life

Stop Comparing

We look around and see people we think are happier, better looking, more successful than us all the time. It’s human to do so. But next time you catch yourself doing this next time, try and just let it go.

Look around you at work or on the bus and you’d never know the man over there is caring for a wife with cancer, the woman who just ran into you did so because she’s been up all night with a crying baby for the last 3 weeks straight, and the kid whose music was annoying you? He was just so happy because the girl he’s been trying to get the courage to ask out actually said yes.

As Oscar Wilde said, ‘Be yourself. Everyone else is taken’.

Take Risks (Every Day)

What feels risky to you? Wearing something out of your usual style? Asking for a pay rise? Talking to someone you don’t know? Consider these opportunities! The more we can gently get used to small risks, the more we realise how little attention anyone else is paying to us and the more we develop our courage.

Focus on Yourself

Repeat after me, self care isn’t selfish! If we’re running on empty we are no use to ourselves or anyone else. This is straightforward but that's not to say it's easy. As yogis we are peaceful warriors. We have to gently but fiercely defend our needs.

It helps to know that the more we can do this, the more we can be fully present and happy in our lives, the benefits of which flow through us into every single person we interact with. So when we practice self care, we literally serve others and the greater good. 

I hope you find this helpful. Until next time, take care and I'll see you soon!

Ruth