The Emotional Release Practice That Could Save Your Relationship

Most of us have heard that suppressing emotion isn’t healthy. Many of us have been told we should talk about our feelings, journal on them, meditate on them, release them.

But what do you do if the emotions you are experiencing are too embarrassing or shameful to admit, or you don’t have anyone to talk to? What if it feels a lot more sensible to just carry on without getting into all this feelings stuff, because you’re managing and who know what would happen if you opened the lid on that Pandora’s Box.

I can’t tell you how many clients have described it in those words - Pandora’s Box. Because many of them are just like I was in the past, so scared of ‘negative’ emotions that there’s a real fear if you opened the lid it would be overwhelming.

I was proud that I never got angry for the longest time. I thought this was because I did so much yoga and meditation and had so much empathy for others. Nope. It was just that I had suppressed my anger so deeply and was very codependent. I HATED conflict, would do anything to avoid it.

What I didn’t realise was this was keeping me stuck and hiding from myself and unable to know or articulate my needs to myself or anyone else.

Emotions most of us would do anything to get rid of:

  • Fear

  • Anxiety

  • Sadness

  • Anger

  • Jealousy

  • Shame

  • Unworthiness

We have such cultural fear and shaming around these that we prefer to pretend we never feel them or hardly ever. We do anything to hide from them, fight them, deny them, avoid them, release them. But this doesn’t work, and can actually make them have a stronger impact on you than ever.

Grim news, I know!

But what if these emotions were not such horrifying monsters? What if you looked in the box and found, rather than real monsters,  a bunch of plastic dinosaurs with little self help notes tied around their necks? Honestly, this is closer to the truth when you know how to work with emotion.

Empowerment, in a real sense, only happen when we are able to integrate these dark or ‘shadow’ emotions.

It is the only way to really experience intimacy or freedom.

But how?! I can hear you wondering.

Own Your Emotion

Allowing yourself to really feel whatever you are feeling is the first step. It can take a little time if you’ve been suppressing emotions for a while (which most all of us have).

Be Witnessed

Part of the fear of emotions is that we’ll be judged, rejected or disowned for certain feelings. Having someone you can share it with in a safe space is incredibly healing!

Integrate

Now that you know what you have going on inside, what are you going to do about it? Depending on what it is, channeling it into something, giving it a new role, transmuting (tantra term) it into a higher vibration can work. Sometimes just allowing emotion to be heard is enough to release or shift.

Part of the power of working with a coach to support your emotional integration is that you know you have a safe, unbiased space with someone who has done this work themselves, so you can express yourself and heal and get the skills before you practice in real life.

But even the awareness of how this works can help.


I am giving away 10 free spots for a 20 min sample session for you to experience my coaching style. It’s not a sales call, it’s a guided session and there are 6 spots left. Book me up here! https://bookruth.as.me/

Here’s why the stuff you know about self love and body love doesn’t stick

Here’s why the stuff you know about self love and body love doesn’t stick

(which flows into intimacy issues and feminine energy blocks, doh...)

Let’s go through the usual advice we all get for self love

  • Get out of your head

  • Quiet your inner critic

  • Learn to love your flaws

  • Accept yourself

  • Stop hustling all the time and go with the flow more to get ‘into your feminine’

So you do this stuff and it feels better, for a while.

But then suddenly the self criticism rears its ugly head again, and it’s just as bad or worse than ever.

Life feels hard.

You wonder, does this shit not work for me? Am I terminally broken? Is this just something I am not meant to have?

It’s heartbreaking.

I started hating my body at 12.

I was curvier than my friends and it got me attention I didn’t want.

I would routinely cry clothes shopping and wore clothes that were a few sizes too big to try and hide.

I felt disgusting.

It got better as I got older, but not much.

I was always in a struggle with my body - trying to control my weight, my hormones (OMG don’t get me started on my hormones), feeling I couldn’t have or wear nice things because I wasn’t good enough for them.

Here’s what I tried to change this

  • Getting to my ‘ideal weight’

  • Dressing ‘to balance my flaws’

  • Lots of exercise

  • Yoga & meditation of various kinds

  • Yoga retreats, ‘goddess’ retreats, specific women’s spirituality & feminine energy training

  • Supplements, working with naturopaths

  • Therapy

  • All the self help - books and courses on self love, confidence, hypnosis, NLP

I sound like a self improvement nutter but this was over years and the self hate often manifested as depression and anxiety and I was desperate to get rid of it.

Here’s what I experienced:

  • Improvement for sure. But self love, nope. Not remotely.

  • I felt like a fraud as a yoga teacher talking about self love and body acceptance.

  • I valued everyone else’s opinion more highly than my own.

  • I put everyone else first.

  • My mood was severely affected by my weight and hormones.

  • I struggled to ask for what I wanted in any context but in my relationship worst of all.

Then what happened:

It still makes me wriggle with discomfort, but it meant my efforts for genuine intimacy in my relationship were stifled.

I didn’t feel worthy of the love I wanted.

It meant I felt disconnected from feminine energy because I didn’t deserve to.

I had literally given up on self love at this point and was just happy things were better than they used to be.

Then my marriage ended.

I was blindsided with shame, guilt, fear of the future.

I started exploring Tantra and jade egg because, why not? The worst had already happened.

And one day, I was walking to the shops, and I realised... I felt good. Not just good, amazing! Glowy.

Happy for no good reason.

Joyful.

I know finally understand why I was stuck for so long, and why this destroyed so much of happiness and my relationship.

When we don’t work with all the parts of the brain, things don’t stick. If we want changes in life, we have to EMBODY them.

There are three parts to this, and we have to work with them all in an integrated way for it to be effective.

  1. Mindset. We have to be able to imagine and visualise how we want our lives to be and it has to make sense to us.

  2. Desire. We have to want it at an emotional level. If you see your goal but it feels scary or you can’t believe you can have it, it’s harder to take the right action toward it.

  3. Body wisdom. This is the part most often left out. It’s not just feeling your body, although that’s a good start.

I have some really exciting things to share with you about all of this that I am rolling out over the next couple of weeks!

But if you want to try a sample session I am doing 10 free 20 minute calls over the next few weeks where I will teach you a quick and easy way to make it part of your life.

They are not sales calls. They are short, powerful sessions to get you started.

Book yours here https://bookruth.as.me/