I have no idea how young I was when I decided it made sense in life to focus on what I could get rather than what I wanted. Pragmatic, right?
I was about 9 or 10 and I’d always been determined and at the time what I was DESPERATE for was a horse of my own. I saved all my pocket money and anything I got from odd jobs for 4 years and finally managed to enough together. It was an epic effort on my part and I carefully worked out exactly what I could afford.
Fast forward a couple of years and I am about 15 and my horse and me were a better team that I dared hope. We were approached by an ex Olympian medalist lady who suggested we train for the Olympic team - she wanted to take me on and was confident we would get onto the team! I could barely breathe - it was beyond my wildest dreams! And actually, it was. My parent couldn’t afford the training.
Disappointing doesn’t quite express how it felt. I knew it was true though, they really couldn’t afford it. That wasn’t for people like me.
Without realising it, I took this on as a life approach. It rarely even occurred to me to go for what I really wanted. I went for jobs I thought I could get, partners who showed enough interest in me, things I could afford. I pushed out of my comfort zone, but only ever by so much.
What’s more, I didn’t enjoy much of what I had. I felt hard done by. I felt like really nice things and amazing lives happened to other people.
It was only last year learning about how the brain works that I realised that by always limiting myself I had literally wired my thinking for more of the same.
We learn our original thinking patterns literally as neural pathways from our family of origin. We can build new pathways, but like seeds putting down roots, they’re fragile and take time to get strong. If we don’t practice seeing opportunities it’s very difficult or even impossible for us to think in that way.
This is why building new belief systems, like self love, like trusting other, like believing in our worthiness, can take time and needs support to grow strong.
What are you focussing on?
What have you decided isn’t for you or desires have you repressed?
I invite you to play with this idea and give it a go. You might be surprised what happens!
I have never met anyone who didn’t have their tiny minds blown by what is really possible. I have also never met anyone who regretted finding out!
Lots of love
ps - I work with people to BLAST (lovingly) through struggles, insecurities and messed up beliefs we learn about what sex, love and relationships should look like and can be. And I do discovery calls.