Life Is Too Short For A Lousy Story
It was my father’s 70th birthday this weekend. Three generations of family gathered to celebrate my old man. You can imagine the photos and the stories.
What I really noticed about all of this was how much our experience of life has to do with the story we tell ourselves (and everyone else) about it. In coaching we call it creating an “empowered narrative”.
In many ways, this is when we truly start living. It’s not about making excuses or pretending, it’s about romanticising, choosing, and being present for our own lives. This is relevant for all of our lives but it is especially important when it comes to how we feel about ourselves, our relationships and our sex lives.
I first encountered this idea when I was working in a community rehabilitation centre for people with acquired brain injury. In a workshop, clients were encouraged to think about their life like a movie, with themselves as the movie director.
At the time, I was in my mid twenties and struggling with health issues and depression. I had been trying to make myself to be positive and grateful - but this perspective changed things and made it a lot easier. Instead of wishing things weren’t the way they were I could see them like I was reading it in a book or watching it in a movie and suddenly it seemed interesting and profound and, even when it felt crappy... beautiful.
The next time it happened was my divorce. It felt like the end of the world but I wasn't going to let my story be defined by this. That break up led to me to discover so many more people in my life cared about me than I had ever guessed. It led to falling in love with coaching, Tantra, and my current partner. It also led to me falling in love with myself for the first time in my life.
Many people love biographies, and we are all living one right now! So how can we appreciate our story, even as we live it?
Fighting with your partner a lot? We both work really hard and are passionate people - OF COURSE sparks will fly sometimes!
Daily commuting? Imagine this in the movie - cute and fun, a shared community experience particular to where you live.
Lots of different lovers but all end in heartbreak? Quite a story! Maybe you want to write in a twist, but you can still see how this could be a romantic heroine’s tale.
Feel funny about your body, ageing, sexuality? Own it! So often people tell me ab
This is what I was reminded of at the birthday party, even those of us who had not spoken to each other for 10 years or have completely different lives now - the arguments, struggles, changes, gains and losses, all of these things change and seem different when we see them as part of a bigger story.
I hope this gives you a fresh way to glimpse your own amazing life or some food for thought for how your story could be. What will you do next?!
So much love