Nearly all of is have a relationship or two that aren’t the way we want them to be. It could be a family member, your current partner or an ex you want to stay on good terms with, a friend, or a colleague, but it should be someone where, try as you might, it bothers you that it’s not as positive as it could be.
This is an exercise to help you make peace with the situation and explore the possibility of improving the relationship. It might be possible, and it might not, but this is a good way to find out and either enjoy an improved connection or let go of wondering if you could make it better.
Show them you appreciate them
Even if we live with someone and tell them we love them every single day, this is a powerful because it shows we have gone to the next level of connecting with someone. The key here is to show them in a way that is meaningful for them. There are many ways people communicate love, and if you’re all about words but your partner is all about gifts, you’d do better to buy them a little something rather than write them a poem.
Find a new approach to conflict
I am going to go into more detail on this topic soon, but for now here’s a quick overview of a new way to approach issues where there’s some friction.
Sometimes in life, sorting out areas of conflict can be complicated. People understand words differently, have different triggers and different value systems.
Here is the best approach I know of for approaching touchy topics.
Start with something positive. ‘You know, the thing I love about you is the way you <insert example>’.
Use collaborative language for the middle but; ‘But we do seem to have a bit of a problem with... How do you think we can work through this? Do you think it’s worth trying...?
Finish positive. Reiterate something positive or state something new.
When you do this it will help both of you start to associate dealing with issues together as a good thing.
Let go of the outcome
If you genuinely express appreciation for someone, try and humbly work through an issue and understand their perspective and it doesn’t work, hard as it might be, let it go. You can only do you best. You can’t force a relationship to work. There are all sorts of things that could be preventing it going the way you want.
I know sometimes this sucks, but ultimately if these things don’t work, you would be better off worrying and putting your effort into relationships that are going to work.
Lots of love